Dr. Elliott Is In The House

This morning I entered the kitchen to find Dr. Elliott (4 years old) with Jocelyn (16 months) and my blood glucose tester. He had a test strip loaded in and was adjusting the finger poker. I caught him right before he was about to collect a sample of her blood. So, yeah, Dr. Elliott thinks this is a game. Oh, how I wish it weren't real!

Sunday morning, I tested each one of the kids' over night fasting glucose levels. Jocelyn was so cute. I wanted to do the boys in order of age so I could keep the readings in order and not forget who went in when. Jocelyn watched as each boy got pricked. She sat next to me holding her finger out patiently in between each of her brothers...desperately wanting a turn. I have put that image in my mental photo album.

LOST

As of 10 minutes ago, Tymon and I are now up to date on the new season of LOST. I firmly believe that the title of this show is less about people being stranded on a time shifting island and more about the confusion of me and other viewers trying to follow multiple dimensions, love triangles with dead people, resurrection of the dead, smoke clouds creating bodies to possess and going on killing rampages, several sets of island natives, the same person being alive in two different places and the hook of time travel in the plot. I just don't get it. And I can hardly wait for the next episode ... maybe we'll have to wait a few weeks and then watch several in one sitting. I like it better that way...it's not nearly as suspenseful and I can breathe easier.

Come Hell or High Water

Jovana was a joy to have in our home. We shared more life experiences together than one family should ever really have to share and in so doing she truly became one of us (sorry to the Paunovic clan, we're actually out to steal her from you). One of the greatest blessing of having Jovana stay with us was her dedication to accomplishing the only assignment she technically had. In the beginning, we talked about various chores that are necessary to keeping a household running. We gave her a choice of what she wanted to do and she chose one of my most dreaded tasks...the dishes.

Jovana leads and active life. Always doing something. (I guess everyone is always doing something, but Jovana's activities were pretty worthwhile somethings.) It didn't matter what had happened during the day, whether she came home on the school bus or after play practice or we picked her up from a debate tournament at 11:30 pm, Jovana ALWAYS did the dishes when she got home. She even did dishes if she had been out of town on a trip for a few days with her exchange group or the debate team and came home to a full sink. It didn't matter what time it was. It mattered to her that she completed her chore.

Oh how I love Jovana! Not because she did the dishes all the time. But because she taught me about how much effort and diligence it takes to accomplish goals. It's not something that just happens. It really requires dedication.

Last week, after living in a disaster zone of a home for weeks, I had an idea. Usually, my ideas are short lived. But this one I named: Come Hell or High Water. So already, just by putting hell in the title of my idea, it was destined to be a hit. I emailed Tymon with a list of daily duties. He could chose one for him and one for me. I did the same. We discussed it and then we decided to either do the one we chose or the one that meant the most to the other. Tymon chose dishes and I chose counters with the school papers/mail sorting mess.

AND...after a week, our house still has disaster elements to it. BUT at the end of the day we are both putting in a little bit of effort and it's paying off with LESS chaos.

Stuck

Since working on the heaps of paper in my disaster zone of a home office, I have had a song stuck in my head. I found it while sorting and filing and recycling. One of the reasons why it takes me so long to do this project is that I like to relive the past when I look at old things. So, I found a folder from a program I was involved with when I was 16 years old. The song I Walk By Faith by Janice Kapp Perry and Joy Saunders Lundberg was in it. Instead of just looking at it and moving on, I stopped what I was doing and had a song break. Yes, if you were in my home you would have seen me sitting in a pile up to my head in boxes and papers and belting out the tune:

I walk by faith

A daughter of heavenly parents

Divine and I in nature

By inheritance

And someday 

When God has proven me

I'll see him face to face

But just for here and now 

I walk by faith

Yes, just for here and now

I walk by faith

There's more to it. But this is the part that repeats endlessly in my mind. Just in case you, too, would like it to stick in your mind: you can see the sheet music here and listen to the song here.

Heaps of Paper

For some reason (well I think it was meant to be), our internet wasn't working today. I spent all day sorting through papers. Recycling. Recycling. Recycling. We moved over 14 months ago and still have 6 boxes stacked in our office waiting to find a place in our home. The great news is that we used to have 10 boxes, so really I made some great progress today. And the side bonus is that I can actually see the top of my desk.

Nine years ago, I was loving college. Loving my classes. Loving my friends. And I loved writing. I found this beauty this afternoon and reminisced about this night and so many others...

A Toast To My Pal Erin:

The two boys questioned each other,

"Hey! You an' me? You an' me?"

As they surrounded you with dancing grooves.

It's all bump and grind, lacking the sublime.

The typically timid lawyer guy stopped his gyration

When you demanded, "what are you doing?"

His twinkling eyes shifted from you,

To his cohort, and then back at you with confidence.

Over the pounding bass Legal Weasel blurted out,

"I'm the Engergizer Bunny, an' I got the gift that keeps on givin'!"

Your eyebrows raised in disbelief. "Are you for real?"

Erin Parkinson,

756-6508

May all your Friday nights

Be full of memories to laugh about

And cry over.

Laugh Out Loud

Three stories. All today. Smiles and laughs all the way around. It's been good.

1. This morning Jett said our family prayer before Tymon left for work. The best part was that he prayed thanks for Graeden's dinosaur pajamas....and "especially that the dinos don't ever come out [of them]." I think Heavenly Father was laughing, too. 

2. On my way into the office I stopped behind a semi-truck at a traffic signal. Someone had taken the liberty to write in the dirt on the back of the trailer: More Taxes, Please!

3. And for the grand finale......I was talking with my brother Brett at the office today about some recent health concerns that have come up in our family. My father was just diagnosed with diabetes in November...perhaps it's still in the pre-diabetes stage. My 37 year old brother was diagnosed with full on diabetes a week or so before that. My mother has been insulin-dependent for the last several years. I had a physical this month and some lab tests done and my doctor told me that my blood sugar levels are slightly elevated...like pre-diabetes elevated. I need to lose 10-15 pounds and exercise and maybe I can control it. What?! A diet?! That's a 4-letter-word in my vocabulary.  I do NOT do diets.

I checked the American Diabetes Association's website to find out how to control pre-diabetes with diet instead of medication. And what did I find? Yeah, cut out carbs...they just elevate your blood sugar levels. Eat your veggies except not potatoes. Potatoes are bad. And by the way, fat isn't good and too much protein isn't great, either. Uh, yeah, so what's left? So the laugh out loud part in all of this is that when my loving brother was counseling me that I shouldn't starve myself that my cut off answer (due to another interruption) was that,

"I'm not starving myself. I'm just not eating..." 

He laughed the rest of the afternoon about that.

So, this is what really leaves me scratching my head: 80% of people with pre-diabetes are overweight. I'm 5 feet and 6.75 inches tall and a size 6. The plan to get my blood sugar levels at a decent level are the same for someone who is 50 pounds heavier than me. That doesn't make sense to me. Yes, I have some weight to lose. I still have Evan's birth weight (I lost Jocelyn's). After I lose those 15 pounds, then I'll weigh the same as I did in junior high and high school and I'll still be a size 6. A thinner 6, yes, but still a 6.

And the grief sets in. All the stages are there.

Shock and Denial: That lab test must have been wrong! My blood is fine. My doctor doesn't know what she's talking about. I'm going to get another opinion from a naturopath. They don't push drugs for all that ails like medical doctors. (I stopped by the store on the way home from the doctor and bought a glucose tester. I have tested my blood 20 times in the last 10 days. Yup, it's elevated.)

Pain and Guilt: Candy has been the love of my life. I've been overloading my pancreas for years with lots of delicious carbs and plenty of sweet gummy bears and sour patch kids. I did this to myself. I'm going to have a few Jelly Bellys and call it good.

Anger and Bargaining: What?! I'm not so overweight! Everybody else with diabetes 2 is fat. Don't tell me to lose weight Dr. X when you are obviously carrying a few more pounds than I am. Yeah, I'll go to the gym an extra day each week and stop eating anything that tastes good...just don't put me on any medication.

Depression, Reflection, Loneliness: I can't eat anything. I'm hungry all the time. Maybe that's positive. I have been wanting to lose weight anyway. Now the doctor has validated the need to do it.

The Upward Turn: I'll find a great new cook book...maybe take some culinary classes to learn how to make new pancreatic-friendly foods.

Reconstruction and Working Through: Hey, I love salad and can also eat pretty much all the squash I can handle. The boys loved the hard boiled and deviled eggs that we've been making. I just cleaned out the grocery store of Bob's Red Mill grains and ground flax seed. Whole grain carbs aren't so bad as the simple ones...

Acceptance and Hope: The test was accurate. Genetics got me. It is what it is and I hope to be able to turn things around.

Eternal Optimism

For one week I've started a blog post countless times...in my head. Each time, I think of a clever title and then a first line or maybe two to start it out. It's always funny and a real crowd pleaser. I love that. It's just the transition that gets a bit trickier and the story isn't happy for me and then I get angry. Really angry. Crying angry. This trial isn't the end of the world. Although at times, it seems like it. So, for now the post is on hold until I can muster up some of Natalie's eternal optimism.