December 14, 2008

Reflection: Babies everywhere

Has your loss affected your relationship with friends who have children the same age as Evan? How have you acted around them? How have they responded to your loss?

I have a cousin and a friend who have sons just two weeks younger than Evan. They were all born in Evergreen Hospital on the same day, the same hospital that Evan died in. This cousin and friend are two of the most wonderful ladies in the world. I don't know how much our loss has affected them, except I know that they were devestated with us. From my perspective, our friendship is constant and sure. I act normal around them...not the old normal, but the new normal. I talk about Evan if I feel like it. I don't if I don't. My friend has twins. She and her family came to my surprise party last week and when they were leaving, I just had to hug the one she was holding. And she happily let me. I look at these boys and see Evan in them. He's about that size and doing about the same things.

I am finding that I have more and more in common with so many women. Yesterday, I had the opportunity to take home a lady from a church luncheon that we both attended. She's maybe 75 or 80 and told me that she had a son who died in a car accident at the age of 25. I asked her if she still thought about him everyday and she told me that loosing a child is something that you never get over. The pain lessens, but it never leaves completely. Wow...this is from a woman I have known my entire life. Known but not known. As I look outside myself and my grief, I see so many others who are grieving. There are 5 families that live in our cul-de-sac (including us). Three of the five have lost children. How many other women and families are out there that are silently grieving? Silently breaking down at night when the day is done...

My dear Evan, I love you. I miss you. I miss putting on your shoes, pulling you off the table, and your great big hugs. I miss your laughter and the spirit of peace you brought to our home.

I am happy for my friends that have children Evan's age. They have loved me, hugged me and cried with me. I am not bitter toward them. I want to hear their stories. I imagine my Evan doing some of the same things. I am grateful for the love and kindness from those around me who have shared very personal experiences with me about their own losses and how those have affected their lives. Grief is a powerful force that can build strength if you allow it. Evan will always have a presence in our lives. He motivates me to become a better person.

3 Riveting COMMENTS:

  1. I really appreciate you sharing these reflections with us.

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  2. Sometimes I catch myself staring at other kids about Evan's age, but then I worry I'll look like the crazy French lady on Lost who stole the other girls baby so I have to turn away before the kid's parents catch me staring :o).

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  3. Bridge...I love you so much and am so thankful that you write some of your reflections and thoughts down for all of us. You know that we love you so much, and I hope that I can help you in any way possible.

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