September 30, 2008

Birth Story: Jocelyn, The Fifth

On Monday afternoon, just before 3pm, I had my first contraction. A friend just happened to stop by a few minutes earlier and helped me into the house. We talked through contractions for about an hour. I labored in my tub for about an hour and a half and then moved to a birthing stool. These stools are amazing and at 6:16pm baby Jocelyn arrived. It didn't take too many pushes to get her out, the crowning was only one push long...but it hurt so badly! Her head was sideways and her arm was up. Tymon was there holding her head and Heike, my midwife (brunette next to me) held her arm against her head to prevent her from ripping me to pieces. The next push should have been easy to get the body out, but due to her position, it was just slightly less brutal than the head. Amazingly enough, I only had a slight tear that didn't require any attention/fixing. Had this have been my first birth, she would have really torn me up. Well, that's probably way too much info for most of you, so I'll stop.

Heike, my midwife (also delivered Elliott), me and Jocelyn and Carrie (Heike's assistant).

Elliott, Graeden, Jett and Jocelyn.

Daddy, Mommy, Jocelyn and Jovana (finally a big sister!).

Tender Mercies

Tender Mercies: Loving moments Heavenly Father gives us to let us know that he is with us and cares about us. One of the apostles, Elder David Bednar, gave an address that teaches more about the Lord and his tender mercies. It gives me strength to know that the Lord loves me and was giving me gifts that I now recognize as tender moments of Evan saying goodbye to us.

Some of the mercies shown me and my family:

1. Sometimes out of anger or frustration, we all say or do things to our kids that are inconsiderate and childish. Evan was just 15 months old. When he did "annoying" things like turning off the TV when you were watching, he did it for our reaction and it turned into a game for him. He wasn't trying to be malicious, just fun-loving and he'd usually turn it back on if you asked him to and then run over to give you a hug. It was all part of the game. Evan was cute and innocent and thus could get away with most everything. He was not to the stage that needed discipline, yet. Well, he started getting a few swats on his fat diaper for insisting on climbing onto the dining room table and dancing around, but our BIGGEST TENDER MERCY from the Lord is that we have NO REGRETS with how we've treated Evan. We just loved him and his personality and were so happy to have been able to have him in our home.

2. On Evan's last day with us, I was planning on attending a celebratory dinner for one of my college friends that I posted about last week. I told Tymon that I would take Jovana with me as well as ONE boy. My choice would be to take Jett. He is fairly well behaved when eating. If I take Graeden or Elliott then I would end up taking both of them. And Evan is just too wiggly and being 9 months pregnant with a squirmy boy who drops his food all over the floor and then grabs you with dirty hands wasn't on my agenda.

Apparently, that wasn't on Tymon's agenda, either. Since I wasn't taking everyone, Tymon had the choice of who I took and he chose Evan. Somehow, Graeden who has a special bond with Evan, managed to be able to come, too. After dinner, we went to buy some shoes for Tymon, and ended up getting some for Graeden. Evan got a pair of shoes for Jovana...well we had to put them back as they were way too big, but it was fun to see which ones he liked enough to put in the cart. What a blessing to have spent an enjoyable evening with my Evan and I'm so happy that Graeden was able to be there. I'm grateful Jovana came and was able to help me with the boys. Had it just been me, I'm sure I would have been frustrated with their energy and my lack of energy.

3. On the way home from our outing on Monday evening, Evan fell asleep. It was about 9:45 pm. In getting out of the car, Evan woke up. I sat down with Tymon on the couch and watched the last bit of "Heroes" while Evan gave me a hug and then had some important things to walking around the living room cooing. He ended up in Tymon's lap and gave him a precious hug for several minutes. I'm so happy that we didn't put Evan to bed right away. We just enjoyed the moment with him.

4. We weren't sure what we may be getting into by hosting an exchange student this year. Sometimes you win and sometimes it's a lot bigger headache than it's worth. I wanted to host when I read in the paper that they they needed a family for a Serbian girl. My mission was composed of the countries of Slovenia, Croatia and Serbia and I have NEVER heard of an exchange student in our area from any of these countries. So, this was an opportunity for us to invite into our home a girl from near the country I served in (Slovenia) as a missionary. We figured with all that we have going on (new baby and new house coming) that if it didn't work out, then we'd just have her go to a different family. So really, we had an out. However, we WON big with Jovana coming into our home. There hasn't been a host/guest attitude ever between us. She jumped in and did her household job (she chose dishes out of the list of chores) with a great attitude. We told her that if she was hungry that she could eat whatever she wanted and showed her the cupboards and what her choices were. When I brought her home from the airport, she immediately tried to play with the boys and develop a bond with them. She (by her choice) reads stories to the boys at night. Jovana has really become a member of this family. She can't even hide out in her room and be shy since she's sleeping on a cot in our computer opportunity that has helped strengthen our bond with her. We have many conversations with her and try to help her with some of her homework and papers.

Jovana's pain and grief at Evan's parting has been touching. She loves him so much. We are grateful that she has been here and willingly jumped in to help us with our home and family. Her acts of service have made it possible for us to live a little easier. She's not a burden. Jovana's a real member of the family who shares in our joys and pains. She is one of the Lord's tender mercies for our family.

5. Another benefit to having Jovana around is that we got out and made some memories with her and brought the camera around. I don't know of any other little boy of 15 months and a 4th child besides Evan that has so many photos taken of him. Graeden has a lot. Elliott and Jett don't have so many in their first year. They only started getting some when I started this blog last year and also I got a small camera for my pocket for my birthday (or Christmas?) last year. And Evan has just as many as Graeden did in his first year. That's such a blessing.

6. Saturday, 9/20/08, we went to dinner at Tymon's sister's house. His mother just happens to be visiting for the month of September. She hasn't seen Evan since he was an infant last September. At dinner, she was able to spend time with Evan feeding him and building a memory with him. Tymon's brother's memory of that evening is Evan poking him with a fork when he was done eating.

7. About 2 or 3 weeks ago, Jovana (into drama and movies) and Tymon talked about making a film with the boys. Jovana had thought of the idea of having an important meeting with children running it. Sunday, 9/21/08, was the appointed day because the boys would be dressed up for church. I suggested that they do it in the morning (church starts at 11am) so that they'd still have clean clothes on and not be tired and cranky. The incredible thing was that 3 of the boys did the script that Tymon wrote (one was cranky) before church started. After church and with some promises of candy and extra stories the last boy said his lines. Tymon then spent the evening editing the film and posting it on YouTube. With that, The Board Room, came to life and we're so glad that it did. It may not have been compiled for a long time had Tymon not had the drive to complete it that same day.

8. For 4 weeks my body has been going through so many changes preparing for childbirth. My ligaments were expanding and when I walked all of a sudden I might find myself holding onto a wall to keep upright. Jocelyn's head (and hand) scraped my nerves when she moved, which sent sharp pains down my legs and left me hanging onto whatever I could to keep from collapsing.
I thought that I'd deliver early (all my children were born late except Evan who came 2 weeks early) because of this and some of this felt similar to how I felt before Evan was born. Between 35-36 weeks gestation, I stopped going to aerobics. I didn't want to increase any chances that I may deliver too early as my midwives are only allowed to deliver babies between 37 and 42 weeks. Anything too early or too late needs to be done at the hospital. Once I hit 37 weeks, I went to aerobics faithfully...but no amount of aerobics, prayers, etc would make Jocelyn come. I thank Heavenly Father for this unanswered prayer. It would have been extremely difficult for me to celebrate the birth of our daughter as we said goodbye to our son. I'm grateful for the opportunity to lay Evan to rest and not have to deliver and be totally devoted to a newborn infant at the same time.

September 27, 2008

"E VAN....Slee PING?!"

Jett was excited to get to see Evan today. It's been 4 days since he's seen him. He immediately asked if Evan was sleeping. What's precious is that he didn't notice any discoloration or bruising from the tubes Evan had in his mouth and the failed attempts to revive him.

I pretty much cried so much during the viewing that after the funeral, my tears had dried up. I'm just not ready to say goodbye and it's difficult to accept that it doesn't matter if I'm ready to or not, that's just the way it is. The service was beautiful and Tymon has posted the eulogy on his blog. A special thank you for all of you who came to show your support. We feel your prayers on our behalf and we love you.

I just ache to have him back with us. I get comments in the store when I have a couple of my kids with me that "I must have my hands full." I know that these people are just trying to be friendly and make conversation, but it really is annoying. I'd like to fill my arms with one more little boy that left our family before I was ready.

Tymon and his brother Lyndon, as well as our fathers were the pallbearers. We came to the cemetary after the service and Tymon dedicated the grave.

My uncle Dayle is buried just 10 or 15 feet away from Evan. Graeden was very interested in seeing his grave, too. He and Jett took some of Evan's flowers to lay on his grave. Sometimes, I wonder how much they understand and then I'm amazed at the depth of compassion displayed by my children. They really love people and want to do whatever it takes to show it. During the funeral, Graeden appointed himself in charge of doling out tissues to all who had tears or dripping noses. I'm hoping that in going to bed so late tonight and with such an emotional day that I'll sleep deeply and soundly. I need the rest.

September 25, 2008

Earthly Goodbyes

Please come and celebrate Evan's life with us on Saturday. We will be showing his movies and slide show starting at 10 am at The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 8522 131st Ave SE, Snohomish, WA 98290. His funeral will begin at 11 am.

We are touched by your prayers, emails, blog comments, wall posts, cards and flowers. Thank you so much for loving us and loving our boy. We miss him terribly and mourn his loss throughout the day. Tymon and I were able to spend some time in the temple today. I hope to get back soon. Mentally, I can understand that God has a plan for us and understand Evan's role within it...but emotionally, that doesn't lessen the hurt or the longing for him. I just want to hold my baby boy again.

September 23, 2008

Evan, We Love You

I would rather not write this post, but so many of you have called and sent us messages. Thank you. We appreciate your thoughts. I'm not up to responding. I just want to hold my boy. It seems like he's sleeping and any moment he'll wake up.

We think he woke up this morning and wanted to play. He crawled under one of our giant "Love Sac" beanbags and couldn't get out. Tymon found him this morning just before he was to leave for work when he was checking on all of the boys. The doctors tried for 45 minutes to get his heart going. We are devestated.

September 22, 2008

Two Dinners and a Dance

As of this afternoon, Zack and Julie's adoption of Kale is FINAL. I remember when Jett's adoption was final and how great that was. It was such a relief to have it be over and legal. We celebrated with them at the Spaghetti Factory for dinner tonight and had a nice reunion with many of my college friends.

I only brought Jovana, Graeden and Evan...Evan was so wiggly. It was hard to keep him sitting down, but Jovana helped quite a bit.

Jovana taught Tymon's nieces and nephews how to build card houses when we went to dinner there last Saturday. Breanna, 13 years old, played the piano for us beautifully. She even composed her own song, which was also wonderful.

After dinner on Saturday, we dropped Jovana off at a church dance. We watched her from the car as she went in. I thought I should go with her since there is a sign in for which congregation you attend with and she doesn't know that information, but Tymon thought she was a big girl and could figure it out on her own. What we'd forgotten about was that the youth have to have a dance card to attend the dances. In order to get one, you have an interview with a bishop and they explain the rules (appropriate dress, behavior, and dancing styles) and then if you want to abide by the rules then you can come in. So, after the sign in, there went Jovana in for her interview. It's too bad we forgot that little detail so it was a surprise for her, but it only lasted 3 minutes and she loved the dance anyway. Here are some of the friends she hung out with.

She loved these glasses and the view they gave of the dance floor.

September 21, 2008


I knew I didn't have an accent! ha ha ha...unless you come from one of those other parts of the US :o).

What American accent do you have?
Your Result: The West

Your accent is the lowest common denominator of American speech. Unless you're a SoCal surfer, no one thinks you have an accent. And really, you may not even be from the West at all, you could easily be from Florida or one of those big Southern cities like Dallas or Atlanta.

The Midland
North Central
The Inland North
The South
The Northeast">What American accent do you have?">Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

September 18, 2008

Parable of the Bridegroom

Everyday I wait for Jocelyn to come and she's taking her time. My ligaments are spreading and sometimes I'll just be walking and get these crippling stabbing pains in my legs or around my pelvis and immediately I need to find the support of a wall, table or whoever is standing next to me to keep from falling over. Jocelyn is teasing me with some of this. It feels like "the contraction" to start labor is just around the corner...yet it's been like that for a couple of weeks.

So, here are the 10 virgins waiting for the bridegroom to come. Five were prepared to wait for the bridegroom with oil in their lamps and 5 were not. Like the 5 without oil, if I knew exactly when Jocelyn was coming then I would be prepared. But this waiting is killing me :o). I'm trying to be more like the prepared 5. Yesterday, I got out the car seat and was able to get the cover washed...but when will we need to use it? Since I don't know, I've put off cleaning the seatbelt part and putting the cover back on. Last week, Jovana helped me to sort some of the newborn girl hand me downs I got from my brother. Now they are washed and ready, but not too much else is done...except getting together the cord clamp, nose sucker and other basic birthing supplies. I keep thinking that I need to clean my room, especially since there will be a mid-wife and her assistants in it soon...but since "soon" doesn't have a date, I continually put it off.

Maybe it's like our new house, too. Over the past several months we've been getting rid of stuff in preparation for the move. Now we have another won't be completed by our closing date. Nice. We'll see how that all works out. I hope interest rates stay low for another month.

Or should I really care about that since the Bridegroom will probably come for real before the 30 years on our mortgage will be up anyway, and definitely in the next two weeks Jocelyn will come (give or take a couple weeks)...I like the parables Jesus taught though. I never imagined that this one could apply to my life in another way besides the Second Coming of Christ. It really seems to fit, though.

Mint Chocolate

If you love Andes mints, you'll definitely love how our house turned out! Mmmm...I can already taste one melting in my mouth. There are so many things left to do to complete the house, but most of the outside is now complete. Concrete will be coming tomorrow and more next week after all of the sheetrock is delivered and no more big trucks will be coming in. Unfortunatly, our builder doesn't think the house will be ready by October 10th...I hope interest rates stay low. Losing the low rate we have locked in now could mean tens of thousands of dollars over the life of the loan. Or maybe rates will stay low for a few weeks. Who knows with all of the financial garbage going on here. I did like rates dropping a full percent after the Freddy Mac and Fannie Mae bailout.

Our back yard has now been graded and the fence will come in over the next few days. Here's Jovana giving a little wave. We've got to get some grass planted quick...the boys get so DIRTY every time we come out here. What was pretty gross tonight is that Elliott's nose was runny and Graeden pushed him into a dirt pile, which clung to his face and turned the runny nose a black color. Disgusting...

September 12, 2008


This morning I got up early to get to my aerobics class, which begins at 5:30am. I'm hoping to entice Jocelyn to want to come out soon. I haven't been to class in just over a week because I didn't want to encourage her to come too early. But now that we've hit the 37 week mark, I think I'll be there for every class session. When we did some jump rope stuff in class my instructor got a bit nervous...little does she know that I'm prepared with a newborn cord clamp and nose sucker in my car. ha ha ha. All I have to do is call Tymon to come deliver. He's got the routine down now :o). As a side note: I do feel better when I go to class. The last week that I haven't been there I've had back aches every night and trouble sleeping. I'm anxious for this stage to end...then we can move to the cutsie baby and long nights.

September 6, 2008

Exterior Paint

They just painted the exterior of our house. I remember choosing a green...but what's funny is that I don't remember picking this green. We've got a few more days of sunshine, so I think that the rest of the house should be painted/shingles stained this next week. Here's the view from the deck. I just love the back yard.

The Circus

No, our family life's not the circus I refer to here...we saw the Ringling Bros. and Barnum and Bailey Circus the other day. It was fabulous and Jovana's first time at a circus. We went with my mom and friend Amber and her son and had great seats above the center ring. The boys loved it and I'm glad that we have the opportunity to go every fall. We're well on our way to building a tradition with this one. When we were driving there, Graeden asked if we could buy a licorice rope like we did last time we went to the circus. How in the world does a 4 year old remember what we got the last time we were there? He was 3 back then. We usually don't buy too many refreshments at events because of the exorbitant prices, but licorice is only a couple of dollars and we did get some last year.
Those elephants did some great tricks. I can't believe how small their calves are and that they support their huge bodies. There was one guy there that put his leg forward and then back behind his waist. I'm not sure how that happened. Legs just don't move that they do it is beyond me. Jovana's favorite was the motorcycles that drive around in a ball. I think they got 7 of them inside. The photo below shows the size and just two motorcycles (an obviously inferior circus to the one we went to).

Halloween Preparations

The boys just got their Halloween costumes that we ordered online. I'm not sure why they both wanted to be rodents...well Graeden is a mouse and Elliott is a flying mouse...uh, I mean a bat.

. Their last ones got plenty of use all year round as great dress up clothes and I think that Jett will wear one of those this year. They don't like to trick or treat for more than about 30-45 minutes...but I can usually get them to go an extra few houses. They just get some of their candy anyway and I get the rest :o).

Graeden's First Day of Kindergarten

Graeden has been excited to start Kindergarten. We had him tested for early entrance as he is still 4 years old and he passed with flying colors. He'll turn 5 next month. In the classroom, his teacher has 4 tables and has an activity on each one of them. So when the kids come in they just sit down and start playing and then they aren't supposed to notice that their parents just slipped out of the room. It didn't matter for Graeden. He was all smiles and even cooperated with my photo taking.
My baby boy all grown up and in school. He still loves me. He'll give me hugs and hold my hand. I thought that might end when school started...but nope...he's a sweetie.

I left him as he was playing with this magnet game. Each of the paint buckets has a different color magnetic ball to sort by dragging it with a magnetic pen.

The pick up: Graeden has his pass that I give to the attendant who waits with all of the kids to be picked up.

And SUCCESS. He loved it. We were tears. Actually, I don't think either one of us came close to crying. It was just an exciting time.

September 1, 2008

Bull Riding at the Fair

Here the little beauties are having a great time at the fair. I really wanted to go to the fair to eat an Elephant Ear or Funnel Cake or even a Blooming Onion...but we ate so much at the church picnic before the fair that the smell's coming out of the fair food booths wasn't even tempting. We didn't even eat dinner...just came home and ate some fruit. I think I'm ready for some ice cream, though. Yeah, it's late enough now that I could do that.

It was fun to see the pig races and also see the chain saw carvers make their little bears out of tree stumps. I want to get rid of a few trees in our new back yard...perhaps we should have one of the carvers come and make us some cute bears out of the stumps. The boys, especially Evan, loved the petting zoo.

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