April 11, 2009

Flowers for Evan

Evan's flowers are starting to bloom. The daffodils are out and the tulips are trying! Maybe in another week or two they'll be here.

After the parade, we stopped at my aunt and uncle's house. There were a ton of people there and cousins running all over. We were half way to the cemetery before we realized we forgot Jett there. Ahhh...so sad. When we came back to get him, my aunt and cousins each had a story about where they forgot one of their kids. Brett's wife Katie told us that her parents gave each kid a number and they had to count off before they left to go places. We laughed at that. Katie was number 8. I think we may have to institute a similar regimen at some point.

As I'm sure I've mentioned before, one of my cousins has a son just two weeks younger than Evan. I was able to hug this sweet little guy a few times today. And each time, I was near tears. He let me hug him even though he doesn't really know who I am. I couldn't help but think of Evan and how big he would be. Of how he would probably be behaving. Of how dirty his hands would be after playing in the yard, falling down and popping right back up. And Elliott trying to run him over with a play car. Yeah, our Evan would definitely be a tough little guy. I miss him.

7 Riveting COMMENTS:

  1. Oh, the flowers are beautiful! I love how you have that at his grave. What a beautiful tribute to your son. I love the symbolism of new flowers...someday we will have our boys again and they will never die again. They will be given "new life". What a glorious day that will be. Thank you for sharing this with me. I hope you have had a sweet and peaceful easter.
    Wyatt's mommy

  2. Thanks for sharing the pictures. You guys did such a nice job with the plot; the headstone looks so nice and I especially love the space for planting real flowers. Hope you all had a wonderful Easter.

  3. What a wonderful job you did with the grave. It just pours out love in every element of it. I'm glad you got to hold your cousin's child. When I was getting divorced, my sister got married. I was happy for her, but I couldn't help but think about what I had lost and may never have again. My son was gone that day, so I held Kim's daughter who is a couple months older than TJ. She let me bawl all over her. It is interesting how our feelings can transfer from one person to another. I guess the one good thing about losing someone is the fact that the love isn't forgotten. The love is still there. Weird, but cool, right? I see the news every now and again where a child is lost for years. Even Elizabeth Smart was gone for what 2 years? I wonder if the not knowing is harder to deal with. No closure?

  4. I definitely think not knowing what happened with the loss of someone is harder than knowing. You wouldn't know whether to have hope in their return or not and then there is the fear of the unknown.

  5. Hey Bridget? I have a friend who was expecting her frist child and she was born into heaven. She was wondering about books to read about grief and what not and I remember you said the books that were given to you by your midwife were helpful. What were they? Could you tell me and I could let her know, maybe it would help her too?

  6. The one book that I read specifically for stillbirth and pregnancy loss is called Silent Cradle by Judy Gordon Morrow and Nancy Gordon. This is the one that has a lot of journaling exercises in. I alter them to fit my situation and post my answers to the questions under "reflections". You can do a key word search on my blog for my posts.

    Another one my midwife gave me (I've perused but not totally read) is Empty Arms by Pam Vredevelt.

    Other books that are extremely helpful (perhaps more for the loss of a born child but maybe could also help your friend) are Joy Cometh in the Morning by Fran C. Hafen, The Birth We Call Death by Paul H Dunn and How to Survive the Loss of a Child by Catherine M. Sanders.

    Another book that I read after several months was The Peacegiver by James Ferrell. That one took me to another level of hope.

    I'm sure there are many other books out there that are helpful that I just haven't read. I would suggest your friend talk to her doctor/midwife and see what they would suggest, too. There are plenty of resourses available written by women who KNOW what it feels like to lose a pregnancy. There are women like Catherine M Sanders who have not only lost a child but have also done scholarly research on grieving and can give you a lot of help on the whole process.

    Good luck...grief is not easy but it is necessary. I'm glad that you can be a support to your friend. She probably feels very lonely right now. Especially as most people probably don't know that she was pregnant and will never recognize her grief. It's lonely...

  7. Bridget... you are amazing. I love that you share so openly about your grieving process. You are a blessing to so many! Love you!


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