June 20, 2009

I Miss You Already

One year ago, I never would have suspected the turn my life would take. One year ago, we'd just finalized the offer on our new home. One year ago, I was the busy mother of 4 boys. One year ago, I attended aerobics classes three times a week while I was pretty pregnant with Jocelyn. One year ago, I didn't know loss.

The start of last Fall brought me a sadness that I never knew existed. A pain to face head on and work through. My Heavenly Father blessed me with two beacons of light in my life. My Jocelyn is truly a sunshine for our family. Our Jovana came to us at precisely the right time and with precisely the right combination of consideration and love that helped keep our family going when there were so many reasons why it should be falling apart. I love these two daughters dearly.

Today, I feel as though I've lost another child. As I write, Jovana is en route to Frankfurt, Germany. I knew I'd miss her, but I didn't think I'd be an emotional mess and she's only been gone 4 hours. I didn't think it would feel like missing my Evan. Every time I think about her the tears start up again.

We cried on the way home from the airport. We listened to a song that I've loved for years. The lyrics are perfect.
Well it's hard to say goodbye and let go. And it's hard to see it end. When the memories we have made may never happen again. But it's harder for time to ever erase, the together times we've shared. So when we're apart remember, all the love we've shared together and for all this love thank the Lord above who showed us the way. That we can be together forever someday.
So here we were, a sorry lot with Graeden's tears streaming down his face and Jett and Elliott whining about missing Jovana and I can barely get a hold of myself to keep the car on the road. We had to stop by Costco on the way home to do a little retail therapy. I bought a Wii Fit.
What's really terrible though is that Lufthansa offered Jovana a 1600 Euro voucher ($2000) to be bumped off her flight and to go home tomorrow and she said no. She'd never heard of airlines doing that before. I tried to set her straight so she'd march right back to that ticket counter and accept the offer. Not that staying ONE more day makes a huge difference to me or her family, BUT that amount of money more than covers the cost of a return flight to Seattle. After I told he she should have accepted, poor Jovana turned into the same stressful mess she was a few weeks ago when the pressures of finishing off the school year successfully and preparing for Nationals were upon her. So I backed down and gave her a hug. She's already going through an emotionally trying time. She didn't need me adding to it. That's a huge amount of money though.
Vidimo se, draga Jovana. I love you forever.

2 Riveting COMMENTS:

  1. It is strange how one grief can trigger so many others griefs inside of us.

    She seems like such a wonderful addition to your family at such an important time. You guys will have a bond forever. I am sure of that.

    Hang in there!

  2. it is always hard to say good-bye


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