October 1, 2009

Mystery Turd

The other day the kids and I spent the afternoon outside. We had some beautiful sunshine that turned overcast and it's been raining everyday since. Now that Tymon has started grad school (to get his MBA), he doesn't have time to do a lot around the house so it's fallen to me to mow the lawn. I like the time outside and getting some exercise but the lawn is nearly a half acre, it all has to be bagged and we only have a push mower. It takes a long time to do and it's often tricky trying to accomplish large tasks and also keep an eye on children.

Fast forward a few hours. Graeden was home from school and had a friend over. All of the boys were playing in our basement. I was outside and came to the basement door and see just a few feet from the door is this huge turd. Human. Fresh. No flies. Very suspicious. When I ask who's it is, NO ONE KNOWS.

Rewind a couple of hours. Jett has to go potty but Elliott has the door locked. I tell Jett to knock on the basement door and Elliott will open it for him to go potty.

Back to present:

Me: (Getting a paper towel.) Okay, Jett, let's get it cleaned up.
Jett: Okay.
Me: (Picking up turd in towel and handing it to Jett,) Here you go, buddy.
Jett: (Takes turd to toilet and flushes.)
Friend: (Very curious and hovering at bathroom door.) What are you doing?
Me: Flushing some poops. (Jett is now putting the paper towel in the garbage.)
Friend: Uh, that might have been me or Graeden.
Me: Huh?
Friend: Yeah, me or Graeden.
Me: (Is this kid admitting something here?) Graeden!
Graeden: Mom! [Insert Friend's Name Here] pooped outside! (Shouts of consensus erupt. And suddenly ALL of the boys know where this mystery turd came from. Amazing.)
Me: Where do we go poop?
Boys: (in unison) In the toilet!

So, Tymon and I and others have had several good laughs out of this. What a funny way to admit a dasturdly dastardly deed. And what am I supposed to tell the kid's mom? Uh, your son pooped in my flower bed. So, I say nothing to her, because what's the point, really? It's just embarrassing for everyone and all of the boys have "learned" another potty lesson.

Lest you think my boys are angels (only one is), when I came into the basement with Jett carrying the poo I noticed a wet spot just just a few feet from the door. I hoped (against reasonable confidence) that it was water. Not a water bottle or cup in sight. It turns out Elliott peed on the floor because Friend was in the bathroom. Apparently, he hadn't finished his business. Elliott cleaned his mess and we discussed that we are such a lucky family that we have 3 other toilets in our house. We actually don't even need to pee on the floor. And really, if all of the toilets in the house are busy then they can go outside and pee on a tree.

I'm grateful for cement floors in the basement. I'm grateful that Jett so willingly helped carry and dispose of the grossest mess. I'm sorry that I blamed him for an atrocity he didn't do. We're working on honesty in our home. Real honestly versus fantasy honesty.  Are they being honest if they say they don't know who did something if they WISH they didn't know?

5 Riveting COMMENTS:

  1. :-) This made me laugh as well. The kids really make sure our lives are never boring and teach us so many lessons...

  2. This is the second gross poop blog I've read today...both Mothers of several boys (but as a mother of girls I know that the ratio today is just coincidental).
    I think I want to go take a shower.

  3. ROTFLOL. Ask Tina about our Dad's habits when he was little.

  4. This story is definitely one of my favorite ones =] Love it...
    The best part is when Jett showed how obedient and helpful he was. =]
    The part when Graeden’s friend comes and tells that actually one of them did it… that’s HILARIOUS. It reminds me of a comedy show where the truth comes up so spontaneously.
    I love it. =]


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