December 28, 2009

Goodbye Library

For almost two years I have served in my most favorite position at church - as a librarian.  Because our church has a lay ministry, each member has the opportunity to contribute to the inner workings of the church through "callings". One has a calling to teach, another to play the piano or lead music, and another to organize activities. It's a great system and I like the opportunities afforded me for growth and the development of my talents.

My first ever calling was in the library when I was 18. I was still in high school and enjoyed being a part of our congregation. I collected announcements and typed our bulletin on a typewriter each Sunday before our main service.

I had a system down so that I had it typed, copied and folded just in time for the meeting to start. And on those days when I got done early, I popped in a BYU video from the 1960s. Those classics made me laugh and laugh and laugh. One Sunday, I was questioning why I went to so much effort in putting together a bulletin that looked nice and where there were no spelling errors (it took a bit to correct them on a typewriter). So, I inserted my own announcement. Made up on the spot. Humorous. Hilarious.

"Church will be cancelled next week due to lack of interest."

Yeah, we had some good laughs. I got a few comments. Most people didn't notice. Like I wouldn't notice today if there was the same announcement made. Yeah, I turned into one of them. One of those too caught up in what's going on in my own home to care about anything going on anywhere else.

Two years ago I was chasing after four boys four and under. I was pregnant with Jocelyn. I was tired (still am). I didn't have time enough to shower during the week, let alone prepare a lesson for my primary class. January 2008 I was released from my calling. I laid low for a while. I didn't want a job. I didn't want to help out. I didn't want to do anything. But I was found out. Which turned out okay.

My new calling February 2008 was in the library - minus the bulletin. And I have loved it. I love the simplicity of just showing up. I don't do anything complicated. I give teachers chalk and erasers and crayons and copies. Teens come in to borrow scriptures (and get harassed by me because they forgot theirs at home). What I really enjoy is how easy it was to please people and exceed their expectations. I copied their stuff double sided or stapled a packet of permission slips for summer camp put binder holes in agendas for them. I personally delivered materials to members of another congregation before their meetings started. Yes, my library is accessible and friendly.  I love chatting with others. And, if you were skipping class, I knew who you were ... because I was, too.

My next assignment should prove to be much more spiritually enlightening for me...a teacher in the Relief Society (organization for women) on the third Sunday of the month. I will miss you, library. But in all honesty, I've missed my spiritual self, too.

Teaching pulls me out of neglecting the spiritual me...and will hopefully bring light to my soul. It's been hard to make a heartfelt prayer when the most sincere prayer I ever said wasn't answered the way I wanted. It's hard to read scriptures when I still fight acceptance of the Lord's will in my life. What I really want is all of my five children with me. Whether I can handle them all or not doesn't matter. I still want my Evan. And even though my intellect may understand what the Lord may be teaching our family about eternity, my heart just aches to be whole. And this is grief. The wanting. The longing. Wishing for what is not. Grief has not only robbed me of my boy. It's taken a part of me down with it. Yes, I'm happy to have the opportunity to teach. It is a path to regaining my neglected spiritual self.

4 Riveting COMMENTS:

  1. Make a banging Wall. Collect various pots, pans, utensils. Tie lengths of string to each piece and attach to a wall outside. Talk about how sometimes we need some time out when we get angry. We need some space to cool off and when we are calm we can join the family again. Or if BEFORE we get angry we can remember the Banging Wall and go there for some alone time and make some music for stress relief. When someone is angry or not behaving the right way to their family - suggest some time out on the banging wall :)

  2. Ok So I just saw that and am so gonna make a banging wall, I just needed to paste it some where, ha ha! Congrats on your new calling, I am excited for you and all the sisters in your ward, I know what a Great Teacher you are!

  3. What a perfect calling for you. Indeed, you will have much to share. Laughter through tears is what I see many of your RS students doing during your lessons.

  4. The banging wall sounds I'm glad you get the chance to teach in Relief Society, that is one calling I haven't had that I think would be enriching. Good luck.... oh and I liked your "church is cancelled" thing, very funny! :)


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