June 30, 2011

Birth Story: Adoption and Jett, The Third

I think the most difficult phone call I've ever made was the first time I talked to Jett's birth mother. It was awkward for me. And uncomfortable. How was I supposed to begin this conversation? "Hi, I'm Bridget, I heard you are planning an adoption for your baby. Perhaps, you'd consider my husband and I?" And seriously. Who says that? I must have because we planned a meeting a few days after that.

Over the next two months we got together with her several times. She has dark curly hair and I was holding out for my little girl. We went to Seattle's Sea Fair parade, the Pioneer celebration at our church, our city festival and doctor's appointments and an ultrasound. However, after the ultrasound, we found out that we're having a boy. So my dreams of a dark haired daughter were not going to happen with this adoption. We had dinner together at our house, she met my parents and my aunt and uncle and cousins. We visited a lawyer to work out the legal aspects of the adoption. It was fun to get to know her and understand a bit about her situation and the point she was at in her life. Bottom line, she was not prepared to be a parent and her baby deserves a family.

On Friday, August 25, 2006 I was working late at my office. Jett was due a week earlier. I had forgotten my phone in my car and so it wasn't until I was on my way home that I heard the message from Jett's birth mother. She'd gone in for an appointment that morning and the doctor induced her. Jett was born later that evening. I went home, packed some things and headed to the hospital. I arrived the same time as her brother...about 10:30pm.

She greeted me and invited me to hold my son. I stayed with them and was up for the middle of the night bottle feedings. Tymon and the boys came the next day. So did Nana and Bapa. 

They were excited to have a new brother. Or maybe a little confused with how he was coming into our family.

The whole experience was a little surreal. In two months our lives changed forever. I wasn't sure everything would work out. What if she changed her mind? Or people from her past came to haunt us? What if the birth father wanted custody? Or what if the social worker from hell decided not to recommend us? We got a taste of the uncertainty of adoption in those months. I say a "taste" because of what I've watched my friends go through for their adopted children. The roller coaster goes on for years and often involves infertility. Our adoption was so quick and relatively easy. It was less than 6 months from that first phone call, to Jett being born, to having it finalized. I was relieved when the judge signed the papers just before Christmas. Relieved to get off the roller coaster of emotions, challenges, set backs, and successes. Because in less than six months, our lives would change again. Evan was on his way.

I must say, though, Jett's infancy was my favorite. I wasn't physically exhausted. Tymon could feed him or even take him for the day if I needed to work. I loved the shared responsibility. Adoption has some distinct advantages for mothers. Yes!
The religious finalization of Jett's adoption took place in the Seattle Temple.

4 Riveting COMMENTS:

  1. WOW! I feel like I'm reading one of those books that I have a hard time putting down. I had so many thoughts and questions as I read along. I'll only list a few:
    1. Was it hard for her or was she content knowing she was doing the "right" thing? 2. Did you get to name him, or did she? 3. Are you still in contact with her... Does she want to be able to see Jett when the time arises?

  2. 1. She was not in a position to raise a baby. She had been married previously and her ex-in-laws are raising her oldest son...who is about 10 right now. She wanted to find a family that would be able to provide for Jett (different father from her first) and felt very comfortable with our family.

    2. I named Jett because Tymon named both Graeden and Elliott (though we did agree on all of the names). I didn't decide on the name until Jett was a couple of weeks old. The hospital had called me a couple of times to see if I'd decided in that time period. It was a good thing that his name never changed from his original birth cert to the modified one at adoption. When I got his social security card after the finalization I didn't have a copy of the original cert. Just a copy of the one I sent back because I'd filled out Tymon's birth place wrong. Oops. But luckily the SS office had access to all hospital records of births and the name matched.

    3. We lost contact shortly after Jett's birth and her brother moved and we lost contact with him. However, earlier this year she found us via Facebook. We corresponded a little back and forth and she said she now reads this blog. I don't know if she wants me to use her name, so I've left it out of my posts. Jett however, knows her by name and is fully aware he is adopted, but doesn't know too much else besides what I've posted here. We will plan a meeting if Jett expresses interest in it at some point in the future. I'm sure that would be several years from now.

  3. Praying that Kira will be your dark haired little girl you've dreamed of! Now, come on Kira, come out with a bang and let us all celebrate your birthday!!

  4. I too love reading this blog and have many questions! Why did you decide to adopt? Who did you go through to adopt so quickly? Were you scared when you found out your boys (Jett and Evan) would be so close? Along with your other 2? How did you get past losing Evan? How come you do natural births? Sorry for all the questions. Just a lot goes through my mind when reading this! Can you e-mail me: cncsant8@gmail.com


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