July 5, 2011

Overdue - My Search For Purpose

About 2 weeks ago, after going grocery shopping, I came home exhausted. I was alone so it wasn't like I'd been chasing kids throughout the store, either. After going through the check out line, I actually had to sit down on a bench a few feet from the register. The checker asked me if I needed help out. Nope. Not unless she could put me in the cart, too. I just needed to sit down for a few minutes. And make the contractions go away. Once home, Tymon brought in all the groceries and I told him this was the last time I was going shopping before Kira came. I've already eaten those words. Twice.

My nephew's birthday party - June 25, 2011.
Listening to my body cues, I'm overdue. Not so much by 2 days like my due date indicates, but more like a by month. I know the signs...relaxin or some other hormone has taken over my joints and ligaments and allowed them to loosen. The desired effect is to work with Kira in her birth so that the pelvis expands easily and allows safe passage. I've been feeling good and loosey goosey for 2+ months. It makes for difficult sleep, getting out of bed, and standing up from a seated position.

The next sign? Kira is low in my pelvis. Not so low that she'll just fall out...though at times that's what I think may happen. She's just low. And heavy. I've begun ignoring my bladder when it tells me it's full. Not only because I just used the toilet. But because most of the time I only go enough to fill a teaspoon at a time. Who has time for that? I don't. I'm leery now every time I get a gas pain and need to have a bowel movement. Because it could be that it's a contraction and Kira's on her way out. Those two signals share the same sensation (to a way lighter degree).

The biggest sign for me is with the Braxton-Hicks contractions I've had for the past four-ish months. This time around, they have been stronger than last and lately have been happening with increasing frequency. On occasion they have seemed very similar to that first labor contraction. That is unmistakably etched in my mind first contraction. Except I'm unsure if it is one or not. So when the next one doesn't happen then I realize it wasn't as bad as it could have been and no it wasn't real. I just read in the wikipedia link and found that maybe these practice contractions feel a lot worse than I remember because I stopped using the toilet 20 times a day. I'll have to pee after the next one and see if it disappears.

I'm searching for meaning in still being pregnant right now. The logical side of me says that Kira needs to gain weight or perfect some body functions before birth. After all, she may need that strength if a surgery is in her near future.

The spiritual side of me tells another story. Perhaps, it's me who needs a lesson in patience. Or a lesson that God is in control and has His own timing. Or perhaps, my children need the experience of waiting for and anticipating an event so that one day they will understand one of their future life lessons. But truly what I think I need to understand is that even though I'm 40 weeks or 10 months pregnant, I can choose to be happy. I don't need to be miserable even though I physically feel like garbage and my grass allergies have kicked it up into high gear.

I can choose to not be frustrated with the seemingly endless anticipation birth. Where I will be... What traffic will be like... What wee-hour of the morning time I will be trying to wake up my support network... It's also okay to have a sparse calender. And to not know what's going to happen today. I've still got to move forward and live my life. Even when I'm waiting. Kira won't stay in forever. She will come out. It's okay for me not to know all the details. The bottom line is that it will happen.

5 Riveting COMMENTS:

  1. I am so excited for you. All four of mine seemed like they were yesterday. I remember them so vividly. I hope everything goes well with Kira. Hope I get to meet them all someday!

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  2. Thank you Kimmy! I'm sure you will meet them...though we won't be going to the family reunion next week in SLC. Maybe next time you come north...

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  3. I enjoyed reading all of your birth stories. You are a very strong woman!
    I never made it past my due date, so I can't truly sympathize what it's like to be over-due. I hope Kira comes soon, and that everything goes well. And that she's healthy as can be.

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  4. hang in there, Bridget! We are excited for you! Best wishes for a beautiful baby girl SOON!!

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  5. Thank you, thank you! I was thinking today that 7/7/11 would be a cool birthday...ah, we'll see.

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