September 16, 2011

Concerns

We've never thought to get the police report on Evan's death before now. We got the investigation report this week and were reminded of many details that have long since left our minds. When CPS found out that we had a child die, they got the reports and gave them to their child abuse guru, Dr. Feldman. In a 3 page report about Kira, only 9 lines actually discuss Kira. The other 108 lines are dedicated to Evan.

Unfortunately, because of some statements from Dr. Feldman, we are also ordering a copy of Evan's autopsy. I won't lie. It ticks me off that Dr. Feldman has read Evan's autopsy and I haven't. And it really ticks me off that he is suspecting that even though Evan didn't die of child abuse, he thinks Evan was abused. He wrote, "There is not enough from the sum of the findings for me to conclude that Evan had been a victim of any foul play causing his death. However, the findings and circumstances are peculiar enough to still be concerned." 

Dr. Feldman is concerned that we weren't grieving properly in the ER since one of the nurses wrote that down in the report. What she didn't write down and what Dr. Feldman doesn't know is that when she told us, "it's not looking good," she really meant "your son is dead". Yup, she was right. We weren't "properly grieving" because we didn't know our son had died. They were still working on him.

Dr. Feldman is concerned that Tymon and I reported that Evan was breathing when we found him and his lips were blue and his body was hot. He's concerned that we decided to drive to the hospital instead of calling for emergency help to come to us.  It makes me wonder if Dr. Feldman has ever woken up to an emergency situation and had to make choices for better or for worse on limited knowledge. 

He's concerned that Evan had some bruises on his head (no fractured skull or bleeding in the brain mind you - just bruising). He's concerned that Evan had some scratches on his face. I'm beginning to wonder if Dr. Feldman has been around children much. Or seen them climb. Or play. Evan had only been walking for 3 months. I wouldn't exactly describe him as 100% stable on his feet. But Dr. Feldman wouldn't know any of that because it's not in the report. And he hasn't taken the time to ask questions. Only accuse. 

Dr. Feldman isn't the only one, though. I've also got concerns. I'm concerned that he is so wrapped up in abuse, he suspects all injuries are done maliciously. I'm concerned that he has taken words in the police report and twisted them into doubts. I'm concerned he's done the same thing with the autopsy. I'm concerned that his pessimism has turned my life upside down the past few weeks. And it will continue to be so for weeks or months into the future. 

I'm concerned that Dr. Feldman doesn't understand that grief is cyclical. And Evan's Angel Day is coming up next Friday. Maybe Dr. Feldman would like to come and be with our family. He can come to dinner. Watch Evan's movies. Read Evan's photo books. Visit the cemetery. And watch us grieve. The hardest part about Dr. Feldman is feeling his condemning judgement when he's never even met us. 

Thanks for letting me vent a little. In real life, I have at least one rant a day. But no one wants to read that. So, lest I be just like Dr. Feldman, I will be making efforts to see the glass half full. There are many good things that can come from this experience. And one of them is feeling the tremendous love and support of our friends and family. Thank you. We truly appreciate all of the thoughts and prayers sent our way.


10/7/11 Update
CPS Investigation Result: Unfounded

10 Riveting COMMENTS:

  1. When my sister passed away, one of the hardest things to deal with was people not understanding that everyone grieves differently and in their own way. Her husband was smiling and joking at the funeral but was in deep denial and no doubt shock. Twelve years later he still hasn't remarried and has a hard time talking about what happened because of the deep pain it still evokes. I agree that it sounds like the doctor has not been around kids much. It's nearly impossible for them to go without a new bruise a week or less due to their lack of balance, rough play, siblings, etc. I'm so sorry you're being judged so harshly. You all are in my prayers and this too shall pass!

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  2. I will tell Dr. Feldman exactly where he can go!! That makes me so angry!

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  3. MESSED UP! Get a lawyer, keep documentation of everything, this blog is good documentation, gather any and all pictures you have of your kids and organize them ....It sounds like they have stomped all over your parental rights! I mean, talking to your children without knowledge! The problems with their investigation are enough to get their case thrown out. They've got to be breaking laws and infringing on your rights! MESSED UP!

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  4. I am a friend of wendy pynn! I've been reading your blog for about 3 years. I feel like I know you uand your family. Our prayers are with you and your family!

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  5. It breaks my heart to be reading you and Tymon's blogs. I first started reading your blog when Evan passed away, which also broke my heart. Especially to read your anguish.

    My sister does foster care, and while I do respect that babies can't speak for themselves and CPS can be a protector in many horrible situations, I also have a healthy fear of CPS as well...that well meaning parents can have everything misread and twisted into something negative. I'm so sorry that you are experiencing that first-hand.

    Hang in there.

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  6. Bridget and Tymon..
    There are not enough words available to express my anguish at what your family is going through right now.
    Matthew and Marc are being updated from me regularly are we are all incensed at the treatment you have and continue to receive.
    Obviously the grief you had to endure 3 years ago with Evan has not been enough and you are being subjected to more grief by CPS. Yes, I understand they are trying to make sure that no child remains in an abused home situation and I honour that. What I cannot honour is the lack of compassion,the in- depth incomplete and incorrect investigation. All that is happening is a shoddy piece of research that is turning your lives upside down.
    I know you are strong Mormon's and I do believe that you will come through this beaurocracy bull.... as a stronger family by leaning on each other, your faith and the strong support of ALL who know you.
    Much love to your family as you gather to remember your angel Evan this coming week.Our hearts will be with you also.
    Much love
    Karen Johns Hiebert

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  7. Bridget, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I checked your blog today hoping to see that everything had been resolved. I was certain that they would have realized the truth by now. To be judged by outsiders is terribly upsetting, esp. when they are doing so without all of the information. I am praying for your family. I think meeting with a geneticist may be a good idea; they may have a way to explain all of this.

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  8. Cory and I can't believe this is happening to your family. This is so heartbreaking and frustrating. We've had a few times when we half expected a visit from CPS--like the time Kaith tripped and broke a bone two separate times within the same week. Or the time a police officer lectured me up and down because I left my 3 well behaved children standing together at the corner while I tried to chase down the 4 year old who had turned and ran the other way. It's scary to think things that aren't your fault in any way could be misinterpreted or misrepresented.
    Our prayers are with your family.
    It is good to know you're sealed.

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  9. Bridget, you know that if you need references there are about 100 of us that would have your back. Let's see if they can argue with all of us that you aren't the awesomest family around!

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  10. I find CPS isn't near as hard to deal with as the Doctors in the situation!!! This is all because of what the DR. F. Is saying without even knowing your family! So sorry that Evan and your grief for him had to be brought in this! I am so mad!

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