I've been meaning to write this post for a while. I just haven't. I've been preoccupied. It's not the same like it is when I'm pregnant. No, nothing like that. It's more similar to the time after Evan passed away. My mind was certainly elsewhere for a long time back then.
This time is different. I'm having difficulty staying present in just about every conversation I have. Or with any book I try to read. Or any lesson I teach. Or post I plan to write. Whether I'm at home, work, or church; it doesn't matter. If I'm with friends, family, or strangers; it makes no difference. It's a struggle for me to focus. Or for my mind to clear.
Despite this, I've still managed getting together a small birthday party for Jocelyn. It wasn't too difficult. Just dinner at a local Mongolian grill and ice cream at Baskin Robbins. That was yesterday. And today, I got a new crown, went to a few clothing stores and we did family photos before going to curriculum night at school. So I can push through it. It just takes a lot of effort. More than I'm used to giving. And I'm tired.
My mind reserves being in the present with just one person. It's Kira. I like to hold her, nurse her, change her diaper, sneak in snuggles and kisses and even get her to smile. She is truly a gift.