October 12, 2013

Self Discovery III: Rebellion

I'm not sure why I'm just now making all sorts of discoveries about myself. Maybe because now I'm looking. Have any of you seen The Shunning? It's on Netflix instant play if you want a good drama to watch.

The story involves an Amish girl named Katie who decides not to marry a guy and  ends up running off at the alter. The entire community, including her family shunned her. Turns out that Katie is adopted and her birth mother came to town after 18 years to find her. She was dying. Katie's adoptive mother breaks the shunning and talks to her as does the village midwife. When Katie says to the midwife that she wants to go and find her birth mother so she can find out who she really is, the midwife stops her and the conversation goes something like this:

Midwife: Who you really are? That's a peculiar thing to say.

Katie: What do you mean?

Midwife: Well, I know how you are. You're that little girl who loved picking flowers of every color, squabbling with your ornery brother, listening to your mama's stories, and always at her father's feet, taking late night buggy rides with Daniel Fisher. All of that child, that's who you are. If you need to go see [your birthmother], then go. Or if you just need to discover the world, then go....but don't go out there thinking you're going to find something that you ain't already found right here. The miracle ain't the life you missed Katie, it's the life you got.

This conversation struck me. Hard. And set me on a path of awareness about my own self discovery.

Today's self discovery and internal conflict: I'm rebellious. Through and through.

Even things that don't outwardly seem rebellious, really are. For example, most people who are really in to health and nutrition do it because they feel better. My diet has always been fairly decent. What I do with kale/pineapple or sweet potato strawberry smoothies is definitely for better health, but not because my body feels so great after drinking them. It doesn't. They take me from maybe a 75% optimal health level up to an 80%. I'm sure more regular exercise would boost me up to an 85% and fermented foods might boost me up to a 90%. I've yet to discover the next step, but that doesn't matter. The fact of the matter is that I enjoy good health on a regular basis. I rarely get sick I'm sure because of it.

So, what's the rebellion part? I firmly believe our governments are in bed with the food industry, big agriculture, big oil, big business, chemical companies, pharmaceutical companies, and health care industry for power and to get financial gain off the backs of the people. They allow big Ag to poison us with pesticides, fake food-like substances and chemically tainted meat. Then we get sick and seek medical care. Modern medicine doesn't tell us to eat better food but rather doctors are trained to mask the real problems by pushing pills for our latest symptoms. Then we need more pills to combat the side effects of the previous pills.

My move to more and more natural and traditional foods is my way of rebellion against the corruption that surrounds me. I will not participate in their game. I'm opting out. Sometimes, I think we should have good health insurance. I'm not exactly sure why I want that coverage though...it won't cover the alternative medicinal approaches I'd no doubt end up choosing.

So this rebellious spirit of mine has come to garner more and more light in my self awareness over the past several months. Mostly with anyone who inadvertently exerts even the least bit of control over me. Or judges me. Or asks me to do something I don't want to do.

Case in point...I crossed the parking lot to pick up Jocelyn from school. There is a crosswalk in the middle of the lot but I was at the end and it didn't even occur to me to go totally out of my way to use it. So I crossed. A couple of teachers were at the sidewalk where Jocelyn was waiting. Jocelyn took my hand, we turned and were stepping off the sidewalk when one of the ladies said something about using the crosswalk.

I stopped and looked at her but my brain was having a hard time understanding that she was talking to me. A grown woman. Holding my daughter's hand. Checking both ways for traffic.

Before I knew it, I'd politely said to the lady, "I don't want to, but thank you." And I crossed the lot. From the audible surprise at my response, I gather I said the wrong thing.

I posted about it on my Facebook page and haven't seen such a long line of responses from you, my friends, about anything I've posted in a long time. Many of you are rebels at heart. Some of you viewed using the crosswalk as a safety issue. Others wanted me to set a good example.

But this is the example I want my children to see. We need to make sure our actions are safe (crossing the path of cars after we've stopped, looked and listened and found no danger) and trust that the decision we made for ourselves is correct. And second, most people are happy to tell other people what to do. There's a lot of unsolicited advice that floats around in the atmosphere. We don't need to do everything others tell us to do. We can politely refuse to do something that isn't going to work for us.

What was she going to do anyway? Tell the principal? Call the police? I'd love to see the dispatcher on that call. Ha ha. None of this occurred to me in the moment though. I was rebelling just to rebel. 

3 Riveting COMMENTS:

  1. This is a trait I have too, but I'm still not sure mine serves me very well? ...maybe it's half and half?
    Good for you, sticking it to the man. :)


Go ahead. Comment.
You know you want to.
And I love hearing from you.

Design by April Showers